Hi friends!
In case you live in a hole, or haven't really woken up from a post-Halloween candy binge, I just wanted to remind you that the holidays are JUST around the corner. And for some, this may mean sugarplums and gifts and everything wonderful, but for most people, the holidays bring one big huge thing to our life:
STRESS.
Did anyone stress out reading that first sentence, 'the holidays are just around the corner'? I'll tell you what- I stressed out just writing it. I was in the mall yesterday and SANTA was there (um, why is he not in the North Pole still, whipping those elves into gift-making shape?) and Bath and Body works was chock full of holiday spirit and smells and sparkles. I was at once conflicted with holidays excitement and nostalgia, and also complete overwhelm and shock and financial overwhelm.
Moral of the story- if you hear the word 'holidays' and your heart stressfully skips a beat or two, you are not alone.
In fact, according to an article on Psychology Today , 71% of Americans state that the holidays give them stress, and that at Thanksgiving in particular, 3 out of 5 of us would rather be doing a vague 'something else' rather than reflecting on what we are thankful for.
Despite this, however, I would make a (cautious) assumption that we don't WANT the holidays to be stressful. I think we want, or at least dream, that the holidays will bring cheer and good spirit and nostalgia and love. And while I personally can't take away everyone's stress levels and particular freak-outs, I do have a few suggestions that may be worth looking into. Let's explore.
My first suggestion is figuring out WHAT is stressing us out. So, back to that article on Psych Today: According to their research, those 71% of Americans that are stressed cite gift shopping and family time as the top stressors, with cooking big meals close behind. They also said that 92% of us believe that this is the time to be thankful for family and friends, but many of us don't spend time on being thankful, and some of us even admit we'd rather be on our phone than hang with family, or we're more likely to be thankful for possessions than people. Translation: another stressor is being stressed by not being thankful enough! If we think this is the time we should be thankful but we aren't, we are doing what I like to call so bluntly, should-ing all over ourselves. No one I know functions well under the umbrella of shoulds... they create guilt, shame and overall procrastination.
Ok,- so recap: our top holidays stresses are
1) Shopping for gifts
2) Spending time with family
3) Cooking meals
4) Not being thankful when we should be
So then, what do we DO about it?
Well, the first three have sort of more complicated, but practical, solutions. I want to dive more into these in the next week, as they relate to boundaries, self-awareness and values. Today I want to focus on #4, because I think that amplifies the first three, but impacts us far deeper than we can understand.
So then, what do we DO about not being thankful when we should be?
Well, in short: GRATITUDE.
I know, I know. Insert eye roll here. But listen, I promise this is a real solution- not just a cheesy therapist suggestion! The research shows, over and over, that a practice of gratitude actually changes our lives. Not only does it increase our lifespans, create higher self-esteem, improve our relationships and health, gratitude practices also change our brain neuropathways for us to think differently, and in this case, I would say that would help eliminate some of our stress!!
Now, the
Do you know the word 'neuroplasticity'? No? Google it and come back. Or take my word for it when I tell you it is a fancy way to describe that our brain can change over time based on synapses that are used or atrophied. In short: if we start to use parts of our brain, that part gets stronger, and used more, and has stronger, more connected neuropathways. Conversely, the parts of our brain that aren't used as much- the synapses that don't fire together much any more, can diminish connection and weaken. IE: we can, theoretically, change our brain with practices and repetitive synapses.
Now, to be honest, I'm stepping a little out of my comfort zone with all this brain talk so I'm going to reign it in here and ask that if you're interested in learning more about this that you do your own research because I will never, ever claim to know a ton about this. Just enough to be dangerous, write a blog using it, and suggest you do more gratitude practice :)
So back to the topic at hand: holiday stress. How does neuroplasticity relate to holiday stress? I say gratitude. If you start practicing gratitude in a few different daily, and easy steps, you are starting to lay the foundation for brain change, less stress, and ACTUAL benefits like increased happiness, decreased depression, and increased overall well-being.
Here are a few practical suggestions to get started:
In case you live in a hole, or haven't really woken up from a post-Halloween candy binge, I just wanted to remind you that the holidays are JUST around the corner. And for some, this may mean sugarplums and gifts and everything wonderful, but for most people, the holidays bring one big huge thing to our life:
STRESS.
Did anyone stress out reading that first sentence, 'the holidays are just around the corner'? I'll tell you what- I stressed out just writing it. I was in the mall yesterday and SANTA was there (um, why is he not in the North Pole still, whipping those elves into gift-making shape?) and Bath and Body works was chock full of holiday spirit and smells and sparkles. I was at once conflicted with holidays excitement and nostalgia, and also complete overwhelm and shock and financial overwhelm.
Moral of the story- if you hear the word 'holidays' and your heart stressfully skips a beat or two, you are not alone.
In fact, according to an article on Psychology Today , 71% of Americans state that the holidays give them stress, and that at Thanksgiving in particular, 3 out of 5 of us would rather be doing a vague 'something else' rather than reflecting on what we are thankful for.
Despite this, however, I would make a (cautious) assumption that we don't WANT the holidays to be stressful. I think we want, or at least dream, that the holidays will bring cheer and good spirit and nostalgia and love. And while I personally can't take away everyone's stress levels and particular freak-outs, I do have a few suggestions that may be worth looking into. Let's explore.
My first suggestion is figuring out WHAT is stressing us out. So, back to that article on Psych Today: According to their research, those 71% of Americans that are stressed cite gift shopping and family time as the top stressors, with cooking big meals close behind. They also said that 92% of us believe that this is the time to be thankful for family and friends, but many of us don't spend time on being thankful, and some of us even admit we'd rather be on our phone than hang with family, or we're more likely to be thankful for possessions than people. Translation: another stressor is being stressed by not being thankful enough! If we think this is the time we should be thankful but we aren't, we are doing what I like to call so bluntly, should-ing all over ourselves. No one I know functions well under the umbrella of shoulds... they create guilt, shame and overall procrastination.
Ok,- so recap: our top holidays stresses are
1) Shopping for gifts
2) Spending time with family
3) Cooking meals
4) Not being thankful when we should be
So then, what do we DO about it?
Well, the first three have sort of more complicated, but practical, solutions. I want to dive more into these in the next week, as they relate to boundaries, self-awareness and values. Today I want to focus on #4, because I think that amplifies the first three, but impacts us far deeper than we can understand.
So then, what do we DO about not being thankful when we should be?
Well, in short: GRATITUDE.
I know, I know. Insert eye roll here. But listen, I promise this is a real solution- not just a cheesy therapist suggestion! The research shows, over and over, that a practice of gratitude actually changes our lives. Not only does it increase our lifespans, create higher self-esteem, improve our relationships and health, gratitude practices also change our brain neuropathways for us to think differently, and in this case, I would say that would help eliminate some of our stress!!
Now, the
Do you know the word 'neuroplasticity'? No? Google it and come back. Or take my word for it when I tell you it is a fancy way to describe that our brain can change over time based on synapses that are used or atrophied. In short: if we start to use parts of our brain, that part gets stronger, and used more, and has stronger, more connected neuropathways. Conversely, the parts of our brain that aren't used as much- the synapses that don't fire together much any more, can diminish connection and weaken. IE: we can, theoretically, change our brain with practices and repetitive synapses.
Now, to be honest, I'm stepping a little out of my comfort zone with all this brain talk so I'm going to reign it in here and ask that if you're interested in learning more about this that you do your own research because I will never, ever claim to know a ton about this. Just enough to be dangerous, write a blog using it, and suggest you do more gratitude practice :)
So back to the topic at hand: holiday stress. How does neuroplasticity relate to holiday stress? I say gratitude. If you start practicing gratitude in a few different daily, and easy steps, you are starting to lay the foundation for brain change, less stress, and ACTUAL benefits like increased happiness, decreased depression, and increased overall well-being.
Here are a few practical suggestions to get started:
- Journal/Write/Blog: this doesn't have to be fancy 'dear diary' type journaling or writing. It can be simple- a sentence or two you write on a chalk board or white board; a postit you write to stick on your mirror about what you're grateful for. A quick paragraph in the note section of your phone that says something you're grateful for.
- Change the word 'grateful' to 'appreciate'. I think sometimes semantics has more impact than we are willing to admit, and the word 'thankful' may just have a little too much pressure on it this time of year. What does it do for you to change the word 'thankful' to 'grateful', 'appreciate', 'happy for', or something like that?
- Do daily reflections or check-ins with yourself or loved ones. At night, I like to play the high/low game- ideally with my family (to my husband's chagrin) or even in my own head. Spending just half a second to reflect back on what was the low of the day and the high of the day really helps your mind pull out of the 'doing' mode and helps slow down to appreciate and reflect on what has actually happened during the day.
These are just a few simple and easy suggestions to get started. There are SO MANY WAYS to practice gratitude. I challenge you to reflect about the stress that holidays add to your life, and find one way to express gratitude or appreciation once a day. You may just change your brain!
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